Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
