weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I could fuck to npr.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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