Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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