Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
