i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
