Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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