I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a hot homeless man
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
