Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
