$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
