So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
