God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
