guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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