My first STD was from a foam party
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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