very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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