So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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