I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
