i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
