he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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