I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
