just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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