The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
