dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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