god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
