I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
