woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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