You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you will always have a special place in my vag
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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