dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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