if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
