when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
