What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just found a bag of teeth...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
