I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
