So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
