Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
