Me too!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
