Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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