Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
