This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
