Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
