sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
