everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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