Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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