Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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