last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
