Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
