Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
