just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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