how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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