Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
