I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
