what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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