just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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