our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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