only if we run a train.
done.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
