I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
