he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
