this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
