it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
