You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
