My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
